2024 -- ALL HAIL THE GREAT PUMPKIN
The barn will be open to trick-or-treaters on October 31.
BRING A FLASHLIGHT. Walk slowly.
Background
The wooded lot was entirely covered in leafy vines, hidden from street view, until new owners explored it in 2008. They discovered a dusty old barn and several graves.
Inside the barn were the abandoned belongings of vigilante witch hunters that operated in the area for nearly two hundred years. Some of the artifacts are the grisly preserved remains of their victims and victims' familiars. The tools and weapons of both witches and witch-finders are on display also.
If the evidence is to be believed, this area was infested by multiple organizations such as the Cloven Hoof Coven, the Baal Witches of Trickum, and the Serpent Cult of Pine Mountain.
One of the more cruel Witch Finders would force the accused to spin the Wheel of Judgment in order to see what their fate should be. The wheel has been repurposed for trick-or-treaters.
We are not at liberty to discuss most operations of modern Witch Finders, who may or may not have become outsourced operatives of Gwinnett county in 1976. The method of acquiring a license is not publicly available.
Who was worse: the witches, or the witch-finders? Could the cure have been worse than the ailment? How many victims of the witch-finders were not witches at all? When we fear whatever is unknown or different, we start down a very dark path, and not a godly one.
Not all of the graves outside are marked. A local scribe has reported to the owners that a spirit haunting these grounds is named Samuel. You are advised to stay on the trail, tread carefully, and beware of obstacles on the ground. The roots and vines are far more treacherous than the ghosts of ungoverned puritans or their victims.
The ORDERS of Witch-Finder General
(from a coverless book found in the rafters of the barn)
- Locate and put to trial all witches within a day's ride of your home. Recruit help from the witch's neighbors and family. If any refuse to cooperate, it is likely that they too are witches.
- Any difficult or loud women within a mile of the witch should be searched for the Devil's Mark. Women who resist being searched are likely witches. These women should be poked with prickers to see if they bleed.
- If searching or pricking provide no evidence, the woman should be asked to confess she is a witch. If she refuses to confess, she is likely a witch. Apply hot irons until a confession is obtained.
- Witches who confess must be executed with haste. If the witch is exceedingly ugly, she must be burned. If the witch is exceedingly talkative, she must be hanged by the neck. Other acceptable forms of execution include drowning and stoning.
- Once the witch is dead, acquire all of her artifacts, including brooms, pitchforks, hoes, canes, wands, cauldrons, bowls, spoons, mirrors, crystals, potions, powders, roots, herbs, weeds, scrolls, cards, books, tokens, talismans, rings, jewelry, headcover, cloak, et cetera.
- Suffer no imps or familiars. Salvage as much magic dust as possible from the imps, familiars, and artifacts of the witch; the dust is useful in many ways, not the least of which is in the making of Walk Water, by which fruits become animated. Pumpkins have a natural hatred for witches, and can be persuaded to aid you in Witch-Finding.
- When not trying or executing witches, or farming their creatures for magic dust, the Witch-Finder General must spend his hours either in prayer or combing out the forests for pixies, fairies, and all such creatures, to purify the land and to convert them to magic dusts and potions et cetera.
This is not a haunted house. It's a 10-to-20-minute distraction.
For more information, see the FAQ or send an email to: wfg@witchhuntersbarn.com